Ek Akela Tharki Deadpool Aur Uska Thums Up Wala Dard
Interior: Ek third class desi bar, jahan cooler ki awaaz toilet flush se zyada disturbing hai. Background mein “Tadap Tadap Ke” baja raha hai (aur Deadpool ka dil bhi waisa hi baj raha hai).
Deadpool: (glass ghoorte hue)
“Life bhi chutapa hai, bhai. Venom gaya, dard chhoda. Aur yeh Thums Up… bas naam ka strong hai, taste toh meri ex ki loyalty jaisa feeka.”
(—camera ki taraf dekhke)
“Tum log emotional mat hona, warna yeh kahaani ‘Kasauti Symbiote Ki’ ban jaayegi. Chalo popcorn lao, baat ghoomega, la bhi katega!”
(TV pe Breaking News)
Reporter: “City mein ek laal rang ka monster tabahi macha raha hai! Naam hai: CARNAGE!”
Deadpool:
“Laal rang? yeh toh meri ex ki lipstick se match karta hai! Naam kya hai? Chhotu Chakna? Wah bhai! Symbiote ho ya chakhna counter ka waiter?”
(—katanas uthake bar se nikalta hai)
“Carnage ka condom fail gaya hai, toh mujhe iski vasectomy karni padegi. Aur haan, Venom ke bina toh main toh adha ch***iya hoon, chalo usse bhi bulata hoon.”
Mujhe Lagta Hai tumne Part 1 Nahi Padha Read Here
Venom Ki Aloo-Paratha Wali Prem Kahani
Location: Ek roadside paratha tapri. Venom – matlab Chipku Bhai – aloo paratha mein ghusa pada hai, aur Eddie meme dekh raha hai.
Deadpool: (auto se tapak ke)
“Oye, chipku chomu! Tum yahan parathe ke saath suhaagraat mana rahe ho, aur udhar laal chutney wala Carnage city ka rape kar raha hai!”
Venom: (growl)
“Wade, tu har baar apni gaand leke yahan kyun aa jaata hai?”
Eddie:
“Deadpool, tujhe koi kaam-dhanda nahi hai kya? Tinder pe chal jaa.”
Deadpool: (dramatic)
“Mere bhaiyo aur unke parasites! City mein ‘symbiote condom’ ka launch ho gaya hai. Woh device sabko symbiote slave bana dega – matlab sab log ek dusre ki gaand mein ghuse honge… permanently!”
Venom:
“Carnage khatarnak hai, aur tu ch***iya. Yeh combo toh Fukrey + Final Destination lag raha hai.”
Deadpool:
“Main toh ch***iyaon ka SRK hoon bhai, aur tu Chipku Baba! Chal uth, warna main teri tentacles se naariyal ka tel nikal dunga!”
Teeno taiyaar ho jaate hain. Background mein auto ka speaker bajta hai:
“Carnage ka Condom, ab hoga Humdum!”
Auto driver bhi confuse ho ke gana gaata hai.
Mall Mein Maata Ka Jagran + Symbiote Ka Hangama
Scene: Ek haunted mall jaisa mahal. Carnage – yaani Laal Tapka Tapka – ek platform pe khada hai, ek gadget leke jo logon ko “Symbiote Condom Mode” mein daal raha hai.
Deadpool:
(whispering to Venom)
“Bhai, yeh mall toh meri ex ki aankhon jaisa lag raha hai – andhera, toota-phoota, aur toxic AF.”
(—device ki taraf dekhte hue)
“Yeh hai Carnage ka condom! Isse band na kiya toh poora sheher symbiote ki aulaad ban jaayega. Mujhe toh bhai, bacche pasand nahi!”
Venom:
“Focus kar, Wade. Chup raho.”
Deadpool:
“Chup rehna meri dictionary mein nahi hai, aur s*x bhi nahi hai… kyunki woh bhi dictionary mein hi hota hai ab!”
(to audience)
“Plan simple hai: main logon ki *** fadunga, Venom unhe chaat lega, aur Eddie wahan jakar silently regret karega.”
[ACTION TIME]
Deadpool: Katanas leke goons pe tut padta hai.
Deadpool:
“Yeh le, slice of death pizza!”
(—gun se dusre goon ki le lete hue)
“Tera order deliver ho gaya, COD – ‘Ch***iya on Delivery!’”
Venom: Tentacles se teen goons ko ek hi baar mein lapet ke deewar pe chipka deta hai.
Eddie:
“Venom! Chill kar, Ye Mall hai Big Bazaar nahi, gir gaya toh EMI chalu ho jaayegi!”
Deadpool:
“Yeh goons toh Swiggy ke rider lag rahe hain—jaldi aate hain, jaldi m*** jaate hain!”
(—Carnage ko dekhte hue)
“Laal Tapka! Tu symbiote hai ya ‘Laal Mirch Powder’ ka ad bana raha hai?”
Carnage:
(evil laugh)
“Wade, tu ek clown hai, aur Venom ek failed science experiment! Tum log mera kuch nahi biga**oge!”
Deadpool:
“Arre bh**ch*d! Tu villain hai ya TikTok ka cringe content? Chal aaja, dikhata hoon tujhe KATANA KA KAMAAL aur TANG KA TANDAV!”
…Symbiote Empire? Bhai, Empire toh Mughalon ka bhi nahi tik paya, tera kya ukhaad lega!
(Deadpool camera ki taraf) “Aur audience, popcorn refill kar lo, kyunki ab scene hoga dhuaandhaar!”
Tamatar Ka The End: Carnage Ki Chutney Ban Gayi!
Scene – Mall ka central hall, jahan shiny symbiote device se laal particles hawa mein ghoom rahe hain. Ek ladka jo abhi tak TikTok banane mein busy tha, woh bhi symbiote slave ban jaata hai aur dance chhod ke Deadpool pe thook fenkta hai.
Deadpool: (thook ko dodge karta hai) “Oye! Yeh kya symbiote ya gutkha hai jo thookte ja rahe ho? Mummy kasam, ab toh shaving foam ki tarah kaatunga sabko!”
Deadpool aur Venom ek badass combo move karte hain—Deadpool goons ke pairon pe slip karta hai jaise Shah Rukh Khan, aur Venom tentacle se unke muh pe tight slap. Eddie, background mein device ke wires nikalne ki koshish kar raha hai—jaise engineering ka drop-out student practicals ke waqt karta hai.
Eddie: “Yeh wire red hai ya blue? Bhai kaunsa kaatna hai? Mujhe toh RGB light lag rahi hai sab!”
Deadpool: “Bhai, main red hoon, tu blue kaat, warna device phatega nahi, hum log phat jayenge!”
Carnage Ki Carnamaat
Carnage full rage mein aa jaata hai. Uske tentacles 360° mein ghoomte hain jaise local fair mein chakri ride. Ek tentacle Deadpool ke peet pe padta hai, aur Deadpool udta hai seedha ek broken mannequin ke muh mein jaake atak jaata hai.
Deadpool: (mannequin se chipak ke) “Oh hello madam ji, pehli mulakaat mein itni intimacy? Mujhe time chahiye hota hai, yaar!”
Venom aur Carnage ke beech symbiote vs. symbiote wrestling shuru ho jaata hai. Tentacles lapet ke dono WWF style mein ek dusre ko takkar dete hain.
Venom: “Tu sirf laal rang ka copycat hai, Carnage!”
Carnage: “Aur tu sirf ek badaa chipku jellyfish!”
Deadpool: (beech mein koodta hai) “Aur main hoon woh ch*tiya jo in dono ke beech phase gaya!”
Final Blow: Condom Ki Climax
Eddie finally blue wire kaat deta hai. Device spark karta hai, aur ek high-pitched symbiote shriek hoti hai—jaise aunty ke cooker mein se seeti nikalti hai.
Symbiote slaves dhire dhire normal hone lagte hain, sab log confused hokar idhar-udhar dekhte hain jaise Zoom call pe signal drop ho gaya ho.
Carnage gusse se chillata hai, “Tumne mera condom tod diya!”
Deadpool: “Bhai, condom sirf ek baar use hota hai, tu baar-baar use karega toh aise hi phatega!”
Deadpool aur Venom dono milke final blow dete hain—Deadpool ek katana Carnage ke peet mein ghusa deta hai aur Venom uske muh mein apna tentacle ghusa ke scream karta hai:
Venom: “Ye le, chutney ban gaya tamatar!”
Carnage phat ke laal goo mein transform ho jata hai. Background mein “Dhoom Machale” ka remixed symbiote version baj raha hota hai.
Superman 2025 Return Trailer Breakdown Here
Epilogue: Biryani, Bakar aur Broom
Sab normal ho jaata hai. Mall ke bahar Deadpool, Eddie aur Venom ek biryani stall pe baithe hain.
Deadpool: “Bhai, kya fight thi! Ab toh biryani deserve karta hoon. Extra raita bhi dena!”
Eddie: “Next time koi laal rang ka kuch dikhe, tu khud hi jaake bhag le. Main aur Venom Goa jaa rahe hain chhutti pe.”
Venom: “Aur waha sirf samundar hoga, chutney nahi.”
Deadpool fourth wall todta hai, camera ke samne aake bolta hai:
“Toh doston, yeh tha ‘Carnage Ka Condom’—ek aisi story jisme tamatar se leke tentacle tak sab kuch tha. Agli baar aayenge ek naye villain ke saath, shayad ‘Doctor Dhokebaaz’ ya ‘Sukoon Singh Symbiote’ ke saath. Tab tak ke liye… Biryani khao, symbiote se bacho, aur condom hamesha naya kharido!”
THE END… ya phir interval?
inspired For Writing The Story From Here
Hi, I’m Raju Rastogi, and I run RJ BLOG. Here, I share anime reviews, news, and explainer articles in Hindi. It’s a fun space for anime lovers!